I want it all.
To be a fun, loving, and sexy wife who keeps a clean, cozy home with a fully stocked fridge while being a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed.
To be the best mama I know how and set my daughter up for her full potential in life.
To be a gracious friend and sister and daughter who can lend an ear and a hand in times of need as well as abundance.
To be a bad-ass businesswoman in an industry that’s still relatively unknown.
To travel and be constantly inspired by things around me – to keep my mind from ever going stagnant.
To have a well-kept and functioning home that is welcoming to others as well as a haven for my family to come home to.
To be confident in my body, my capabilities, my creativity – my self in its state of imperfection.
And to be balanced in all of the above.
Is that too much to ask?
And who and what made me want this all in the first place?
Do I need to be all of these things – do I truly want to be all of these things of my own accord – or has society molded the way I think, at least partially?
In this season as a first-time mom to a 1-year-old where I am beyond sleep-deprived, not entirely sure what I’m doing, and am in need of so much more help, I’m coming to terms with the idea that maybe I don’t need to pressure myself to be some idealistic hybrid of a Bond Girl, a Martha Stewart, a Jessica Alba, a Gwyneth Paltrow, and a Gigi Hadid at all times. This woman doesn’t exist. I think it’s fair to say that all first-time moms are sleep deprived, and they would love nothing more than to be able to take something, which could be similar to this hempstar strain to help them get that much-needed rest. Sometimes that’s all we need to feel like we can take on the world. But we can’t. Our children are our priority and I shouldn’t feel pressurized into becoming someone else just because I like the idea of it.
And that’s ok, because I’m good enough. More than enough.
That’s not to say I’ve given up – I have fire in my blood. I don’t really give up, haha.
I’m a rare gem, and I know my worth. And so should you.
So don’t be fooled by perfectly styled photos on the Internet from me or anyone else. And don’t EVER feel bad about having a messy home while your baby is happy and your hair hasn’t been washed in a week and you could possibly get rid of 90% of your wardrobe and just live in leggings. Easier said than done, I know.
Everyone says it gets easier, so let’s just get through this together.
And in the meantime, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, I haven’t been posting as often as I’d like because my family comes first. The ideas are there (I have a huge list of posts I’d love to do on my iPhone), but it just takes me hours and sometimes even days to put together a single blog post. I prefer quality over quantity, and I’m not comfortable hitting publish on something that I threw together in a huge rush.
That being said, I’m not excusing myself. One of my current goals is to figure out a childcare situation where I can have at least a few hours per week to work uninterrupted. Maybe I should consider reading up on some articles which have a remote work ideas list, so that I can figure out how to work in tandem with the baby’s needs and keep up with the work.
I’m introverted and like to keep certain things to myself, but maybe I’ll do more diary entry-style posts like this once in a while. Let me know what you resonate with more – mommy/baby, fashion, beauty, home decor, more personal topics, less personal topics…